Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
