dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
