you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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