You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
