you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
