The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
