Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
