Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
