i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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