Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My penis needs a shock collar
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
