My sheets look like a crime scene.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
