I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
