remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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