just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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