I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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