i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
