dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
