ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
