My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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