i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
