Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
