I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
