But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
