I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
