The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize