ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
