i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
