I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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