Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Randomize
