Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
