Small penises have feelings too.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
