Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
