i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
