is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
