either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
