Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Too much gin, very little bucket
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
