everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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