Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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