Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Houston, we have a blender
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
