he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
