she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize