He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
