hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
