I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
