He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
