did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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