Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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