No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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