at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
