Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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