as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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