I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
