Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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