You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
