I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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