No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
