The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
