Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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