pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wish there were birth control emojis
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
