hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
