Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
