My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
