apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize