I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
