I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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