sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize