Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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