Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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