but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
