I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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