I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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