did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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