If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
