Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
