he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's blow job season.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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