is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dick very happy bro
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
