Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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