I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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